I just pynch a tree in the face
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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