the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I lost the right to judge tonight
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
