the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
