I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
