tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
