In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
