Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
