Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
