i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
