Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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