Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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