id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
