Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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