I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
