Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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