Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
