Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
