I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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