I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
