id be glad to
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
