the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
