It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
