As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
