maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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