So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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