i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
