oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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