hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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