My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
