we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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