I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
