I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
