I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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