I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
