Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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