Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I deserve this hangover.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
