shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
