....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
