hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The power of my boobs compel you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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