Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
