I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
