Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
