spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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