one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
