She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
