I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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