I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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