What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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