last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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