I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
