I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
