Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is classic penis vs brain.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
