she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
