There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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