My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
